This morning I woke up to sweet text messages from both my sister and aunt. Mom passed away just three short months ago and the grieving process is still in full force. As I reflect on these months, I am amazed by the things I have found the strength to do and the things that I still simply cannot do. Some of these things may sound silly, but if you knew our relationship you would understand that the smallest things became our livelihood, our joys and our way of making memories towards the end of mom's life. Truth be told, I started this post by titling it "Things I Haven't Done" when realized there are things I have been able to overcome as well that are worth mentioning.
Things I haven't done-
Listen to my voice mails from the week mom passed
Watch our weekly shows (Shark Tank, Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune)
Eat her favorite foods, especially Costco pizza
Spend long periods of time in her room, house and honestly even being in Federal Way is extremely painful
Things I have done -
Read through text messages, cards and Facebook messages we shared
Watched the video she left behind for me
Sorted through her clothes and closet items
Drive her car
Go back to church
I don't know when this all is going to get easier. I often get down on myself for still feeling emotional three months later, but also hear the first year is the hardest. I truly want to be happy and live in the moment again. I believe I will get there, it will just take time.
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