Thursday, June 12, 2014

One Month

The church where my parents were married and where both my Gran's and mom's memorial took place. Holy Angels in Dayton, Ohio

Today's date has trapped mixed emotions in my heart. It has been one month since mom passed away and it also marks one month away from our joyous wedding celebration.

This week, I have been either extremely sad or extremely angry. There is no other emotion I have felt besides these two. Often, I feel empty inside and find myself craving my mom's maternal love and her motherly instinct to protect and care for me. I long for her to tell me one last time how proud of me she was.  Truly, there is only one person who can fill that void in my life and now she is gone.

I have these unrealistic expectations of those around and wanting them to try and fulfill her maternal instinct. These expectations are setting me up for even more distress and anger. There is no one who can love me as she did.

Another wound that that is still "open" is comprehending that my physical communication and contact with my mom is gone. Imagine losing the person you have talked to almost every day for 24-years? The one person who knows exactly what you need. 

Today, I am hurting. Tomorrow, I continue to pray for peace to lead me away from these angry emotions.

My morning devotion, how perfect is this?

via Jesus Calling

"Let Me help you get through this day. There are many possible paths to travel between your getting up in the morning and your lying down at night. Stay alert to the many choice-points along the way, being continually aware of My Presence. One way is to moan and groan, stumbling along with shuffling feet. This will get you to the end of the day eventually, but there is a better way. You can choose to walk with Me along the path of Peace..."

Luke 1:79

"To shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace."

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