Thursday, June 5, 2014


I was inspired to write this post after practicing yoga with my dear friend Jessica last night. She gave me a card towards the end the class (which took place outside) that said many sweet things but something that stood out to me was when she wrote "it is okay to not be okay". How powerful is that? I am constantly people who ask me, "How are you doing?" and people telling me that "Trials are God's blessings in disguise." Guess what, I am not okay and that is the truth. As a perfectionist and someone who likes to be in control of many aspects of my life, I need to learn to be okay with not being okay. 

So to be honest, here are a few things I am struggling with:

- I am either feeling famished or not hungry at all.

- I have a hard time waking up. As someone who is used to waking up at 5:15 am (to clean and work-out), this has been a huge burden on me.

- I want to cry all of the time, but I never have any tears. I think if I cried more I might start to feel better.

- I have very low energy.

- I have no desire to be around groups of people, instead I would prefer to be around one friend.

- Small things tip me off and my patience is extremely thin.

- I am surprised about who has reached out to me during this time and more surprised about who hasn't.

- I am not productive and my brain operates slowly. Typically I am the person who can get a million things done in one hour, but now I find myself leaving my apartment a mess with a pile of laundry on the bed. If you know me, that NEVER happens.

- I can't sleep well because I keep having dreams about my mom's last few days. I am finding it harder and harder to remember my mom's healthy body.

So today I plan to meditate on this verse -

Isaiah 26:3 - I can do everything through him who gives me strength

Jessica's yoga class, "Beyond Yoga" supports human trafficking in Cambodia and Thailand.

1 comment :

  1. I hate hearing that you are struggling but love your honesty about everything. I just want to hug you!!! And then take a walk around West Seattle with you.

    "I want to cry all of the time, but I never have any tears. I think if I cried more I might start to feel better." - This is the WORST. It is like your body is bottling it all up and not letting it go, I hate that feeling. I have a few movies that always do it for me - for some reason my tears sometime come easier when it is reflecting on somebody else's life? About Time is my pick if you are wanting a good cry.

    Love you so much sweet friend.