"F" Words

Happy (sort of) Friday!

Last night was our final night housesitting and I am so excited to go HOME tonight and decorate our Christmas tree.

A few nights ago we met up with Dustin's parents and brother to pick out a tree.  Let me tell you, it was slim pickens! We do not have a large space for our tree in our apartment, so I was very picky about finding a smaller narrow tree that would not overwhelm our small space.

I was thought this was the perfect tree . . .

Meanwhile, Dustin wanted this tree . . .

It was too wide!  So we left without a tree.  The tree farm owner told us that they would be getting new "freshly cut" trees the next day and assured us there would be a smaller tree for us.  SCORE.  More pictures later debuting the tree we ended up getting!

After work yesterday, I bussed down to Federal Way and it took a good hour and fifteen minutes.  URG.  Traffic + emotions + lack of exercise has not been the best combination for me this week.

I had a feeling something was not right once I was at my mom's.  I could tell Aunt Becky was sad.  She told me that mom had another fall.  This time she walked all the way to the bathroom alone and ended up hitting her head against the tile in her shower.  

Then, I found out that hospice has asking my Aunt Becky to make funeral arrangements over the last few months, ever since she was assigned hospice care.  Yesterday, she told me that she and Uncle Greg (one of mom's three brothers) had finally gone to make the funeral arrangements in Tacoma.  We simply hugged and cried together.

I believe this explains why I chose the title for this blog post.  "Funeral" and "Falling".  Two "F" words I really don't care for right now.

Yes,  I have known that my mom has been sick over the past year, but I truly believed she would get better and life would return to "normal".  Reality is sinking in, my hope is dwindling by the smallest piece of thread and my heart feels like it is shattered into the tiniest pieces.  My stomach is always in a knot and I feel nauseous every time I think of losing her.  

I don't feel like chatting, creating small talk or socializing with people.  I don't even want to go to church. Yes, I know still have my mom right now.  But I miss her already and all of the fun we used to have together.  It has been over a year since we have done anything "normal" together.  I hate that my mind cannot focus on anything else right now, because it is affecting my mood.  I want to be a happy person again.  How long until I feel "normal" again?

On a positive note, here are some photos that my cousin Lindsay posted from Thanksgiving that make me smile every time I see them . . .

Ben lovin' on the dogs, even the small one...

Photo bombed by Aunt Becky with Ben intensely watching Football.

Family all in one room!

Boxing with Mya.

Please note the way Dustin is starring at me while I work out on the "stepper".

Aunt Sue with her birthday cheesecake and "joint" candles Aunt B found.

Ben and Dustin comparing heights, share the love guys!

Conner after falling asleep and sitting on a piece of pie.

Jocky!

Family in from Ohio! Matthew, Uncle Kent, Aunt Stacy and Conner.